This July

I wish I am there right now...

I can't believe that you just had three injections today, son! I thank God that you've made it. I can just imagine now how you have reacted upon those pains. I still recall the first time you receive your third shot of vaccine. Your first two was given at the hospital and I wasn't able to witness them. But your third? I have felt like my heart was broken while I have watched you cry so loudly then. Mother was holding you and though I was so hesitant to hold your hands then, I managed to witness the whole thing. My heart was pierced when I saw you cry and your face have turned violet upon crying so noisily.

And now, you have just got another two at a time. Even if I am not there with you, I know how you have felt, I knew the pain you went through. But do you know that you are such a good and strong boy? Carry up, son. In life there will be so much challenges to come, so much pain to bear, and problems to resolve. Your vaccines are just but one leap. And a sign that you will succeed whatever hindrances that will come on your way. You have made it! And mommy is so proud of you.


Written
June 15, 2011
Office

i am a mom now

My friend says, what i am feeling is exactly a mother feeling.. I feel terrible loss when I left my son with my mother in the province. Although my friend says it's normal because I am a working mom and I have to sacrifice moments with my son, still i feel so helpless and I feel that I have abandoned my son. When I call home, I ask every detail of my son's day, what time he wakes up until the query if he had already taken his daily vitamins. My husband says, I am a little bit overreacting. But I insist that calling home is my only way to ease myself, to comfort myself that my son is doing good and he is healthy and fine.

Days have been busy, yet i still managed to make calls at home while i am in the middle of busy work, when clients do demand on anything, never that I lost in my mind the thought of my son. And it comes to a point, always, that all I wanna do is pack my things and go home. I wanted to see him, hug him tight, kiss him, check every part of his body and tell how much i love him even though he doesn't react yet as adults do. I know in my heart that he has been waiting for my every call, he cries or makes a sound as if he had been waiting for me when i make a call and talk to my mother.

I miss you a lot son. I've been counting the days and it feels like years have passed every single day without you. I promise, soon, you will be here with me. Mom and Dad will work but we will make sure that you will be with us. I want to hear you cry, i wanna know what makes you upset, i want to see your smile and i want to laugh with you. I love you, son. Someday, please be a good boy.


Mommy will always be here...
June 14, 2011
Office